Feedback week 1a: Laura Lucas – http://lauralucastrujillo.blogspot.nl/
Feedback:
I did not know all the down sides of wind farms. So that is good to know.
You took the assignment a little further to add possible solutions for the problem, that was new to me.
I am not fully understanding your industrial ecology puzzle. I don’t know why, it maybe my way of reading it. But I will try to explain why I don’t get it ;).
I feel that you are not defining a question and if you don’t have a question you can not try to explain why this is happening. Like we did in the first lecture. Try to explain why the Kuznets-curve looks the way it looks.
In my opinion you are only telling the reader what is bad about wind turbines. A lot of other people try to explain their puzzle by using the following three elements: Natural, Political and Economic. This gives more structure in explaining the phenomenon and more clarity to the reader.
I hope you understand what I am saying. This is my first feedback and I find it quite hard to do.
I find your argument about Frieman well written, with clear examples of businesses who use their profit for the benefit of the community.
Feedback week 1b: Zinzi Wits – http://industrialecologyandthechallengeofcoordination.wordpress.com/
Feedback Puzzle
Interesting puzzle and you explain is short and clear. Unfortunately I can’t give you more tips to improve because I am not puzzled by what you are saying. ;)
Feedback Friedman
Also sort en clear. I think less is more. The only thing you could add in my opinion is a more fluidly transition from the part where you are talking about the shareholders to your end conclusion (in the end it is about people). For me it feels a little to abrupt as an ending.
Feedback week 2a: Ella Baz – http://socialsystems-ebaz.blogspot.nl/
- Feedback bounded rationality
First of all, interesting and difficult topic! I mean difficult in the sense that it is a heavy topic in my opinion because of its impact on Japan and of the changed view the world has now on nuclear power.
In class we heard that it is better to use the four principles of bounded rationality to help you to make the type of decisions related to the topic more clear. I think it would help in your case to clarify it. We talked about this in class, for me this is a easy comment to make ;)
I find your explanation about the bounded rationality quite hard to understand. You have a lot of players who made decisions. You are telling the reader what the company did not do but I thought, and correct me if I am wrong, we have to think more about what the background was behind the action (taking the principles in mind). In your case, what could be the reason for Tepco not to put more safety measures in place?
Money? No governmental control? They did not think anything could go wrong? Not enough checkups? The risk management was not taken serious? The checkup reports were just put on a big pile?
It is not totally clear for me from whose perspective you are looking at regarding the decision. Is it Tepco, the ministry or the three parties you are talking about?
It is always easier to give comments than to write it yourself. Hope you find my comments sort of instructive.
- Feedback Friedman
You say that business has become more transparent, could you explain that a little more? For instance, in what way more transparent? Or what is for you the reason (give an example) to state that they are more transparent than in Friedman’s time.
Personally I think it could be a lot more. For me companies try to be very thoughtful in what they let the public know and now with the social media they are even more aware of what the image of the company should be. Like getting information from companies about how much CO2 they produce, they will not give it. But we can get it out of a database from the EU. That is for me a big sign that companies are far away from being transparent.
Feedback week 2b: Sway Leung – swayleung.wordpress.com
Hi Sway,
It is nice that you go over the theory in your articles context, I did not do that and I think I will change that.
But I have a critical note too. I found your ‘….’ a distraction. You expect from your readers to guess what will follow. The same comment for ‘etc.’ I feel a little dump that I do not know what should come at the dots or what should be all the etc. For the not all-known reader it would be nicer to explain more or just delete the dots. You could disagree with me but this is just how I interpreted your text.
Further more, I found your writing about this topic a little rushed. I read some of your other assignments and those I can understand better. For me the sentences are not finished or you are too jumpy in the writing style. For me it would help if it had al little more body to get a better understanding of the complexity of your topic. You have a lot of players who have different reasons to act in a certain way for every topic.
Maybe it would be more clear for me it you made a choice in whose actions you are going to explain. Our teacher talks a lot about setting boundaries, maybe this would help in your case for me to understand it better. What could be a reason for Ban Ki-Moon to act? What is the reason for the reaction of some countries? The role and decision made by the scientist and there reason for the action?
regards,
Chloe
Feedback week 3a: Carl Kuehl – http://iekalkuel.blogspot.nl/
Hi Carl,
You took beautiful pictures! Good for me to see the area you are writing about. Gives it something extra. I can not really give a comment what you can do differently. You have a good example of a social ecological system and you go over every topic of this system for you SES and explain well to the reader what it is and what the weak spots are in this. You give your opinion at the end what you think of the actors and how well maintained the park is.
The only thing I might be missing is a critical note, what can be done better? Are there regulations that could be different? Maybe this is not possible to add, but it is a thing I could think of ;)
Feedback Friedman
You lost me in this. Maybe I had to read your other Friedman pieces but I have no idea what Prakash elaboration is. Or what policy type 1 is. Maybe I missed this in the theory we had to read. But I think you have to write you blogs in a way that people are able to read your piece with no knowledge to the specific theory.
If I read further on and ignore you first paragraph I can understand what you are telling the reader. And I don’t see anything that I think has to do with Prakash. Why mentioning it then in the beginning? If you use it you should refer to it in later parts of the text? Than it is more clear what it is, why you want to use it and what the connection is.
Best,
Chloe
Feedback week 3b: Joan Wildenberg – http://thoughtsaboutindustrialecology.wordpress.com/
Hi Joan,
Feedback SES
Thank you for the introduction of the topic and the introduction to the theory. For me it is good to read an overview. I had a lot of trouble with this topic and you make it sound really logical and doable. I think your topic is well chosen and you can nicely use it to apply to Ostrom’s framework.
The only comment I can make is, after reading some other blogs about this topic, that they explain more what every part of the framework means. I don’t know if you need to, but it can be useful to tell the reader a little bit more about the heavy topic you are addressing to make them more aware about the background of the hard wood if they are buying the hard wood themselves.
Feedback Friedman
You explain the reader very clearly what your boundaries are, this way I cannot question what you are explaining to me.
You apply Friedman’s theory very clearly but I am wondering what you think of this? What is your opinion? Maybe I don’t need to know but this blog is a format designed to express your opinion.
Friedman also states that it is the government’s tasks to apply social and sustainable rules for businesses. Where is the (local) government in this story and what can be the role over the governments of the countries that buy and sell the hard wood? Can they set rules in order to change the deforestation in Para, Brazil before the consumer is tough enough to make a stand?
Best,
Chloe
Feedback week 4a: was no blog entry – Raissa Ulbrich – http://sspmbloginanawesomeautumn.wordpress.com/
Feedback week 4b: Suzanne Dietz – http://suusonthesocial.blogspot.nl/
Hi Suzanne,
I have nothing to add, you have a clear explanation how legitimacy is not that important to the supplier because of the powerful relationship that creates dependency between the (three) relationships. Well argued, a lot of examples to support your argument. I was a little overwhelmed by the volume of you text.
I found what you wrote at ‘Legitimacy as a motivator for diffusing sustainability’ the most interesting part of this post. Good balance between your opinion, facts and more insights about the topic.
The only point I can make is that I find the first part of your text a bit long and elaborate for a blog entry. I got distracted by the amount of words and where your story was going. Maybe you can make it a little more compact to make it stronger?
I found some little spelling mistakes, like government it is not governement (I would never think, me as a dyslectic would make a spelling comment :p) You could run a spell check when you are done writing to get rid of the little incorrectness.
Best,
Chloe
Feedback week 5a: Cenyang Tang – http://cenyangtang.blogspot.nl/
Sorry, I found your text quite hard to understand. I had to reread it a couple of times to really get a good understanding of what you were saying. You topic is very interesting and it was one big step towards the global network we are in today. Thank you for sharing, I now know why Singapore is so important and I know now how this trading construction come into existence.
The linkage to the social network is good, but I think you could explain a little more the why than only say it is a social network because of the trust in each other.
The things I am missing are some sources where all the dates and facts are coming from. I have to accept what you write as true, I will, but if I want more background information where your text is based on..
You are also forgetting the last part of the assignment, the part you have to think about closing material loops. You could add this or you could tell the reader what the reason is for not going into this part of the assignment. Maybe because your network is too general (or give another reason)? If you mention why you are not addressing closing material loops we all know that you didn’t forget this part of the assignment.
Best,
Chloe
Feedback week 5b: was no blog entry – Weiwen Zhong – https://weiwenzhong.wordpress.com/
After this I stopped with giving feedback because of the lack of feedback on my blog.